Random thoughts while writing my SOP

I believe what makes each one of us special is whether we can stick to our own beliefs , if we can realize what defines us is not our position but the people who are around, not be lonely at the top but make room from people who care.

In a span of 60-70 years it is easy lose sight and make compromises in the belief that this is best for me even though I may not truly want it

Whether what I do is something that truly drives me ? or is it just a tradeoff for more money,brand value?

If I still have that child alive in me that gets excited at small things , goes at lengths in pursuit of trivial stuff , can still say things straight from the heart and whose voice hasn’t been lost with years of being politically correct

Are my kids as close to me as I am to my parents or am I just a career woman?

Life to me is made up of many elements:

Work, People , Money , Fame and me- the individual.

I define my life by just : If I am happy and do I still find time to make other people happy

Rest all I believe are by products of these two objectives.

If Only...

If only I could cross your ocean
without feeling the puncture of your teeth.
If only I could drown myself than
to let you pull me beneath.
If only my sadness had a voice
and could tell you how it felt.
If only I could love you enough
to make your icy heart melt.
If only I could just walk away
and let nothing hold me back.
If only you couldn’t make me
do anything you ask.
If only I hadn’t lost myself in anguish
and didn’t have to apologize.
If only you hadn’t lied to me
and make me my own false disguise.
If only there were no more
‘if only’s between us anymore.
If only we could have gone back
to the way we were before.

..................

my face becomes blank as my mind i hold on,

but i'm falling my fingers twitch,

you're slipping i feel you start to drift

you're getting away, and i'm only askin you to stay.

give up a life you may not love

for one you will not like

my fist clenches around your slender hand

your splinter eyes meet mine

you're getting away, and i'm only askin you to stay.

It isn't a big deal, but somehow all

the world hangs on us tonight

my fist clenches - the walls come down

splinters enter sinner's eyes.

you're getting away, and i'm only askin you to stay.

.

Random

A Spark becomes a flame, flame becomes a fire. And then another blows it out and erases your desires. Watch the weather change, my fragile mind, in flames. And then another blows it out, so who am I to blame?....

In Vogue..!

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Mai aur mere Kanjoos dost

Snippets from my life :

Legend : * at the end indiactes sentence will be completed later * at begining ... well the completion.
Other such notes are self explanatory.



Me: Hey mera birthday aa raha hai.
Friend(F): Yeah yaad hai. Treat de rahi ho na. (besharam*)
Me: Yep sure (c i am good) Gift de rahe ho na.( * besharam gift toh do ). Aisa karna
Swiss choclates bhej dena (this frnd is in swiss land)
F : Hmm yar choclates raste mei melt ho jayenge (read: wat an idea )
ME: Yar Fridge mei rakh lenge. Tu bhej toh (Hehehe.. i kno i'm a jenius)
F: (thinkin: wat an idea flop..!!) Yar courier will be costlier than
choclates (HMM..Ab sachai samne aayi)
ME: Hmm.. but its my birthday..
F: Toh Kya Chocloate day toh nahi na.. ( C so much for my bde)
ME: (Ever so adjusting Anu) Okie ek e card hi bhej dena..


Now aint my blog title perfect...?


Note: Watch out this space for more such snippets from my life as the birthday week follows...

Happy Holi

Another Day in office ... The prospect of a three day weekend starting tomorrow makes it special though.. The coming saturday is holi.. Hmm.. Nothin to look forward for it this year.. No going home.. Bangalore it seems has lost the entusiasm and essence of celebration. Maybe people here are too tired after th gruelling office hours to celebrate. Nothing apart from the " New Year" it seems has painted the town red in the past 7 months of my stay in blore. All the festivals umm.. seems no one cares . A ture *cosmopolitan* city where life just goes on n all u do is sleep on holidays. Too much contemplative am i..? Maybe just the feelings of someone stayin away from home first time and that too on occassions which are grandly celebrated back there.

Again I've done nothin much since the mornin .Just finished off with the manuals n fixin the minor issues and waiting as usual each day for the project to end (ever since the last xpected date nov. 19th). I have been tryin to enable POP3 access to my yahoo mail.. turns out i need a premium account for it. or maybe the fact that yahoo mail is blocked. Anyways if anyone knows how to make me work . Do let me kno..

And yeah Happy holi everyone.. Wishing all of you have a blast . It really was so much fun bck in hostel.. Coaxing people to play holi and throwing colored water in their rooms.Hope u have a great time.

Yeah again..

Yeah i am back again.. after just an interavle of 2 hrs...I have done absolutely nothing in office today other than tryin to uplaod a background image for my blog n changin my blog template.. well i also have written two posts.. So its not nothin that i have done.. anyways i was also helped by the fact that apps access was denied to my port.. But i failed.. i failed to change a background image of my blog.. Not because i was unable to edit HTML code .. i tried with 4 different pics ( My collegue here is so pissed of givin reviews for the background he suggested my earlier COldFusion obsession was way better) .. but because i have no pics..!! Nothing at all wich fits the blogger background.. The only thing that i have n works as background is the APPS error screenshots.. Nd can u beive i got a 7.1 mp camera.. :'(

Ohh ya n i also tried using pallavi's picassa pic.. That dint work either.. :)

Musings..

Its been long since i blogged realy long.. 7 months into work life now.. good or Bad i dunno.. My friends would say that best.. They have born the brunt of my mood swings.. But what raelly prompted me too write was not the way my life has changed in the past 7 months but a post of a really good friend.. An extract from from "King Arthur's Socks and Other Village Plays".. talkin about the feeling which i have closely identifeid myself with at times.. Something which makes us hurting the people whom we care for most..

SHE:"I know you hate me. You have a right to. Not just because I wasfaithless - but because I was cruel. I don't want to excuse myself - butI didn't know what I was doing. I didn't realize I was hurting you.Yes. I've said that before. And you've answered me that thatexcuse might hold for the first time, but not for the second and thethird. You've convicted me of deliberate cruelty on that.And I've never had anything to say. I couldn't say anything, becausethe truth was; too preposterous. It wasn't any use telling it before.But now I want you to know the real reason...... Something I've never confessed to you. Yes. It is true that I wascruel to you - deliberately. I did want to hurt you. And do you knowwhy? I wanted to shatter that Olympian serenity of yours. You were toostrong, too self-confident. You had the air of a being that nothingcould hurt. You were like a god."

HE: "That was a long time ago. Was I ever Olympian? I had forgotten it.You succeeded very well - you shattered it in me."

SHE: "You are still Olympian. And I still hate you for it. I wish Icould make you suffer now. But I have lost my power to do that.You sit there - making phrases. Oh, I have hurt you a little; but youwill recover. You always recovered quickly. You are not human.If you were human, you would remember that we once were happy,and be a little sorry that all that is over. But you can't be sorry.You have made up your mind, and can think of nothing but that.I wonder if I can't make you understand. Do you rememberwhen we fell in love?No - it happened to me. It didn't happen to you. You made up yourmind and walked in, with the air of a god on a holiday. It was I whofell - headlong, dizzy, blind. I didn't want to love you. It was a forcetoo strong for me. It swept me into your arms. I prayed against it. Ihad to give myself to you, even though I knew you hardly cared. I hadto - for my heart was no longer in my own breast. It was in your hands,to do what you liked with. You could have thrown it in the dust...... It pleased you not to. You put it in your pocket. But don't yourealize what it is to feel that another person has absolute power overyou? No, for you have never felt that way. You have never been utterlydependent on another person for happiness. I was utterly dependent onyou. It humiliated me, angered me. I rebelled against it, but it wasno use. You see, my dear, I was in love with you. And you were free,and your heart was your own, and nobody could hurt you...... When I found it out, I could hardly believe it. It wasn'tpossible. Why, you had said a thousand times that you would not bejealous if I were in love with some one else, too. It was you who putthe idea in my head. It seemed a part of your super-humanness.... And when I first realized that it might be hurting you - thatyou were human after all - I stopped. You know I stopped.Can't you understand? I stopped because I thought you were aperson like myself, suffering like myself. It wasn't easy to stop. Ittore me to pieces. But I suffered rather than let you suffer. But whenI saw you recover your serenity in a day while the love that I hadstruck down in my heart for your sake cried out in a death agony formonths, I felt again that you were superior, inhuman - and I hated youfor it."

HE: "Did I deceive you so well as that?"

SHE: "And when the next time came, I wanted to see if it was real, thisgodlike serenity of yours. I wanted to tear off the mask. I wanted tosee you suffer as I had suffered. And that is why I was cruel to youthe second time."(She bursts into tears, and sinks to the floor, with her head on thechair, sheltered by her arms. Then she looks up.)"If you were human, you would know that there is a differencebetween one's last love and all that have gone before. There willbe no more joy or pain of love for me. You do notbelieve that. But that part of me which loves is dead. Do you think Ihave come through all this unhurt? No. I cannot hope any more, I cannot believe. There is nothing left for me. All I have left is regret forthe happiness that you and I have spoiled between us... Oh, why didyou ever teach me your Olympian philosophy? Why did you make methink that we were gods and could do whatever we chose? If we hadrealized that we were only weak human beings, we might have saved ourhappiness!... I don't care. I no longer know what the truth is. Ionly know that I am filled with remorse for what has happened. Why did it happen? Why did we let it happen? Why didn't you stop me? ... Iwant it back!"

- Floyd Dell, "Enigma. A Domestic Conversation"(from "King Arthur's Socks and Other Village Plays")

I am sorry to all who i have been rude.. mostly at times to see that you care.. Sorry ( specially to someone who has stood by me at all times ) and please if i ever do it again " Stop Me, Dont Let it happen"